Back At It

Hello World! Its been several years since I have blogged. In reading my previous post its crazy how you can see the dysfunction and craziness you once thought was "normal" little did I know how drastically my world would change a year later from my very last post in 2010.


In September of 2011 I found out my husband of 14years had been seeing his work associate. I had been away on a girls weekend in Michigan and he sent the wrong text to the wrong women(ooops!) As I drove home in silence with tears running down my face I knew my life was about to take a drastic change. I just didn't know how drastic. Many of you have heard my story before on my various social media platforms. The details have been vague but we all get the jist of it.

The reason I decided I needed to take my story onto a more "wordy" platform is because Instagram, Facebook aren't really for lengthy chats. Here I can be more open and interactive. This deeply sad and devastating time in my life catapulted my desire for self love, healing and change. On here I can keep working on myself and growing. I have always journaled my whole life, this will be my journal.

I will even be reviewing some products from time to time as well. I love "stuff" so chances are if Im talking about it Im really geeked about it lol. I love make-up too! Also you will notice product links or "advertisements" on my blog as well. This is not meant to be annoying, I try to put things on here that I have used or that I really think is great. Yes if you click on the link and buy it I get a commission from it, however it does not pay my bills and Im not a millionaire from it. Im just an everyday person like you doing something I love and maybe along the way getting alittle compensation from it. I still have to work my real life jobs. I know you all would love to get paid for doing something you love too. Anyhoodle thats my little explanation on that.


So if you think Im super cool(I think Im cool) and want to follow along and get to know me please subscribe! Sit back and hold on tight your in for one hell of a BUMPY ride LOL







MUCH LOVE, ALICIA

Struggling

I sit her today feeling tired, unmotivated, and unsettled. I'm not sure whats going on for me. I need to get in a better work out routine but can't seem to get myself going. I need someone I can depend on who can hold me accountable. I'm in love with Turbo kick and would do it everyday if it was accessible to me. I don't have the discipline to do things at home. I need to do my workouts outside of the home or I will never get them done. I know what I need to do but doing it is the demon I'm fighting. I have the eating part down for the most part. I have a membership at the YMCA that I haven't used since June. When is this inner fight gonna stop? I know what I NEED to do so why am I not being able to do it? I think I need a work out partner. I need someone who I can rely on long term. I worked out for 3 1/2 months straight at 5am for 5 days a week. So why am I were I'm at today? This is so frusterating!

All In A days Work

So its been awhile since I have been here. Although I have thought of blogging alot I just haven't had the moment to sit down and organize my thoughts.

Alot has transpired over these few months. Justin has graduated from boot camp and is loving his life as a seaman. He is upbeat, well groomed, matured, and seems to be in a good place for himself. Its amazing what a few weeks of structure can do to someone. I personally can think of several people in my life that need structure and discipline. Hell I enjoy structure and need it from time to time as well. Its good for anyone! Family was around to celebrate his graduation from BC. We were actually all together at once. Even though the family is broken apart and theres things left un-said. Its comforting to have all the siblings together. Life goes on...


Bryana had a birthday and turned 14. She recieved a nook for her bday and loves it. Bryana spends alot of weekends with me. I'm her second home. Its nice to have her most of the time.

Gabby turned 10 on Oct 5! I can't believe it. Life is passing by so fast. She requested a Halloween Party instead of presents. Sean and I totally ran with this and turned the basement into a haunted house. I was so proud of our efforts. Several others helped as well. It turned out perfect and the kids all seemed to have a blast. Gabby was grateful and thankfull for it all. Of course now I have to deal with an elevated fear of our already feared basement. It was so worth it! We had those kids freaked. Misson accomplished!

Now on to Daddy and Mommy...

Sean and I are currently in marriage counseling. Its been long over due. We are working hard on learning to love each other the proper way. Most of us learn about love from the way we were raised, shown on tv, etc... These however are not always the best examples. Everyones ultimate goal in life is to form an "us" When you become an "us" you are truly in a partnership with one another and your marriage is at its peak of union. I have always strived for better relationships with my friends and in my marriage. At times I think I have failed at both of these but I do feel that at times I have excelled in these areas as well. Regardless each of these require work and when one person isn't carry there weight in the relationship it suffers. I found that when I look back I feel that I always seem to carry the weight of the relationship the majority of the time for various reasons. In talking with this counselor I have come to the realization that I put up with alot more crap then I should be and that I deserve alot more. I see more of what is healthy and whats not. Sean is seeing this as well. Life is a work in progress.

Until next time...

Hocus Pocus "I Put A Spell On You"

The last fling

Its Sunday night and the kids start school in two days. This was our last weekend of summer! We spent the weekend doing baseball/softball, daddy worked,and momma had two weddings to attend. We had a bonfire tonight at the bells just between our two families. Its always refreshing to have our families together. I brought some green zebra tomatoes over from my garden and a card "thanking" them for being such selfless people in our lives. I wanted them to know how much they mean to our family. Its been a great summer of lots of great memories and I wouldn't have wanted to spend it any other way.

Besides our bonfire we had the opportunity to talk and remind each other about what it takes to be a friend, and good spouse. These are one of many reason why these people mean so much. They challenge me to be a better friend, and partner. They don't judge me or make me feel badly for poor choices. We appreciate each other and never expect anything. We respect each others relationships with there partners and there friendships with others. Its a love fest!!!

Monday is meet and greet for Gabby. We will be dropping off school supplies, checking out the classroom and of course seeing who is in her class. She is very excited. Monday night is games for both and then back to the bedtime rules.
Tuesday is there first full day of school. Zachary's first time on a bus and in "real" school. My daughter is officially a 5Th grader and my son is a kindergartner. Time sure has flown by and I can't believe this summer is already over.

Here's to a great school year for both!

Happy Birthday Mom. You are never forgotten...

Its the eve of my biological mothers birthday and I'm finding myself overwhelmed with emotions. I miss her. I wonder what it would have been like having her here today. I know she would be proud of her grand kids and the life I have made for myself. However I can't help but remind myself that because of her I have this comfy life and that maybe this all would be different. Better or worse I don't know. I find that as I have gotten older I think about her more often and wonder about all the "What could have beens" Theres times in my life that make me stop and think about her. I wonder if I look like her(i have been told yes) I wonder if we think similar. Like the same things etc...I just wish I had the opportunities with her that I have had with my kids. I can't imagine my kids not having there mother around. I hope they never have to experience that and that we can grow old together. I hope to live a long life. I hope that my kids know they are loved and cherished. Theres a reason for my life being as is today and my past being as it is. I have learned alot from the present and the past. One thing I know today is that I want to cherish my time with my kids because we are never promised another day. I will never forget you momma you will always be apart of me however little time we had. Your spirit lives in me and I will never forget you. I love my kids as I dreamed you would have loved me if you were here today. I love you. Happy Birthday Mom

No its mine, no ITS MINE, I'm telling....

So its getting to the point in the summer were the kids need to get back to school and mommy needs HER time. They are hard to keep happy these days and I think its the lack of structure. Good thing school starts in about a week. I love my kids but HOLY CRAP can they be annoying.

We spent the day at Cyprus Cove. It was so hot and I couldn't believe how quickly we dried off after being soaked. Just as soon as I would sit back down to read my book for a bit, I would have to get back up and cool myself off with a little dip. I gave up the reading after while and just soaked in the water. The kids had a great time but after a few hours of being there we were all ready to go home. It was horribly crowded and very hot. Good times though.

As I sit here and reflect on our summer I feel like its been so busy and has gone by so fast. I can barely remember the month of June at all. I feel like its been a blur but I guess that means its been busy and fun or maybe just busy. Either way its been a great summer of memories. I watched my good friends son most of the summer and had my sister and step sister here regularly so there was a constant commotion in our house. However I did have several days to myself when Eric would take the kids or when they spent sometime at grandma Patti's house. The kids had there sports as well. Spring soccer for both, and even mommy got to play some softball this summer. I really missed softball. I have lost almost 30lbs and feel alot better these days. I have alot of work ahead of me but I'm on my way. Soccer ended and we had some time off until softball/baseball started. Now we are doing that and will be mixing in dance squad, and voice lessons as well. Gabby got her acceptance letter for dance squad today. She was super excited! The kids are so lucky to have all these experiences. I hope they know that.

Sean has been busy at work hoping for his own store. Seems like we have been "hoping" for this for a very long time considering his retail journey started at Best Buy in 1993. Its had its ups and downs and sometimes I wish he would go back to school and head another direction but I stop myself and remember to be thankful he has a job, he likes what he does for the most part seems to be happy and good at it. That's all that should matter. Most people don't like what they do or don't even have a job at this point. Life is good.

Last but not least Momma. AKA, entertainer, chauffeur, cleaning lady, nurse, oh hell never mind I do really love what I do but I tell you its the most underpaid job in the world! I have been busy raising kids, being a friend, and amazing spouse. Its hard to run it all at the same time but somehow us women are pretty amazing and can get the job done and do it well for that matter. I have recently taken some time for myself in the last few months. I'm concentrating on my health and making myself feel better. The journey has been tough, at times frustrating, but all in all I have accomplished losing 28lbs. I have so much more to go but I feel I'm on the right path. My current weight has slowed down but that's because of the lack of exercise i have done. I have been fluctuating gaining and losing weight for a good month at least but since i like to keep it "real" I haven't been sticking to my exercise routine and I haven't been eating the best or drinking water as I had in the past. Sometimes you fall, but picking yourself up and moving forward again is the goal and that's what I keep reminding myself everyday. It was alot easier working out with someone. I had that unknown accountability. I relied on that other persons strength to get me going but I think that's also a bad thing as well. I need to know I can do this on my own too. Either way I need to get back on that road again and I look forward to that routine. I will get there again. I have worked too hard to be where I'am today to give up now. I'm a fighter!

Well its felt great to express things that go on in my head on here and I look forward to keeping this updated. Hopefully I can add this into my other many tasks. I'm blessed with a beautiful life and I thank God for it as often as I can.